


Clint Barton: Baby Wrangler

by SeaofSin



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Arguments, Babysitting, Clint is done, Crack, De-aged Maximoff Twins, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Requested fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 16:30:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5212832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaofSin/pseuds/SeaofSin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Maximoff Twins wind up de-aging and becoming toddlers, Clint steps up to the plate and becomes their babysitter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clint Barton: Baby Wrangler

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pally_The_Second](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pally_The_Second/gifts).



> For Pally_the_second, who requested babysitter Clint and baby Maximoffs.
> 
> (Sorry this took forever and a day.)

When the Maximoff twins fought, rare though it was, there was nothing short of a war that could end it. It was rough-no-holds-barred type fighting, and, being twins, they could break out the things they knew the other hated most - Pietro with his constant high speed belligerence and general obnoxiousness, and Wanda with her intimate knowledge of his dislikes and applying the cold shoulder technique, which always managed to get Pietro furious.

Mental warfare, Tony had dubbed it, and quite literally on Wanda's part. No one dared insert themselves into these kinds of arguments, hell, no one really knew what even caused them half the time. Everything else, in the meantime, became reasons for confrontation between them.

At the present moment, they were arguing over Pietro's constant hovering, which had increased tenfold since she's started ignoring him.

"You're being childish!" Pietro snarled, arms crossed and lips twisted into a sneer.

This was more than enough to incite her. "Oh, I'm childish?!" Practically fuming, and face red, she stepped forward, jabbing an accusatory finger at her brother. "I'm not the one following you around, pestering you without reprieve, now am I?"

"No, you're not. You're the one sulking all the time, like a pouty kid!" he retorted, a smug smirk on his mouth, and it looked like Wanda wanted nothing more than to wipe that look off his face.

The calamity following was nothing short of brilliant, with red sparks thrown everywhere and a silver blur trailing over the room. Once it was over, everything was in sheer disarray, papers strewn about and the couch completely wrecked from one of the twins, as well as the counter sporting a rather conspicuous crack down the center. However, none of that was what had the Avengers' attention, but rather, what was in the middle of the room.

Eyes wide, they tossed careful looks at one another, no one quite certain what to make of the development, or what the next appropriate step would even be.

"Do any of us know what to do with this?" was the first question, asked by Tony.

After a brief pause, Steve sighed. "I think we know one person who can. Call Barton."  
\---  
Clint Barton had a written list of things he knew would never happen. In a world of gods, aliens and general chaos, it served as a good reminder that no matter how insane the world could get, at least there were certain things he would never see happen. Tucked neatly away in his locker, he kept the list next to his secluded photos of his family, which he would occasionally pull out to reinforce the idea that yes, the world was crazy, but it still had some semblance of normality, even if it was only in his life.

Of course, that list had become quite shorter once the queen of chaos had been enlisted amongst the Avengers, but it still was quite handy.

Despite the expectation that he couldn't expect anything, sometimes things did manage to surprise him. Things such as this.

Sitting on the floor in separate pens were the Maximoff twins, approximately aged four, with a sullen toddler Pietro kicking his heels against the ground and Wanda stubbornly silent as she glared at her brother, tongue poking out occasionally in a taunt. Wanda may have some crazy powers, but this? This was certainly something new.

"So wait, run that by me again. They were fighting, and then suddenly this happened?" Clint asked, rubbing his tired eyes and occasionally glancing over to the pouty toddlers in their pens.

"We don't understand it either. We think that the hex was meant for him, but something must have gone wrong and hit her," Steve explained, vague and certainly weary as he too occasionally flitted his eyes between Clint and the Maximoffs.

There was only one thing that mattered to Clint at the moment. "Can we fix it?"

"We're working on it. Bruce is in the lab, checking some samples we took," Tony said, pausing to roll his eyes at the scandalized look Clint was giving them, "Hair samples, cheek swaps. We didn't go taking tissue from some four-year olds, so don't go giving me that face. Anyways, we're seeing if this is in their DNA, checking for telomere length-"

"Yes thank you, Tony. We don't want science jargon, we want answers. How long will that take?" Steve snapped, lifting his head to rest his chin on the backs of his hands.

"We've got good tech, so about a day or two, provided we don't make mistakes. Been a while since either of us has done genetics stuff," Tony said, almost conversational in spite of the absolutely bizarre nature of their problem.

Clint could only suppose that they had all seen stranger in their days here.

"But is it permanent?" Clint asked again, tapping his fingers rhythmically against the table.

A soft, almost wry smile answered him. "How do you feel about having more kids?"  
\---  
After a few calls, Clint managed to convince Laura that he had to stay out for a while, that Avengers duties took precedent, and that this was something only he could handle. While not entirely falsified, it felt wrong to lie outright to her about this.

Still, he couldn't anticipate the phrase "I'm currently taking care of two little shit kids who just so happened to be my team-mates instead of our kids" would carry over well.

Besides, this shouldn't be too hard, Clint reasoned to himself. He's managed to raise two kids before.

What they hadn't told him was that the twins still had their powers.

It would seem even at four years old, Pietro still had a grudge against him, and the instant he tried to hoist him over to the television room for the sake of easier management, he promptly kicked Clint in the gut with a swift foot. Surprised, Clint gave a loud yelp of pain. "Kid, I know you don't like me, but please don't make this- ow!" Before his thought could be finished, a second kick was landed, this time in his ribs, and the toddler began to vibrate in a bluish blur or rage. Okay, maybe he would come back for him second.

Wanda was easier to hold, though sour as she sulked silently in his arms, and sending rather furious glances over to her twin. It would seem the grudge was still there, even after the sudden body change.

After seating her in front of the television and flipping it on to whatever channel was already on, he immediately went to retrieve Pietro, only to mentally slap himself upon the realization that the kid still had legs, and was now in transit.

"Pietro? Pietro, where are you? Let's not make this a terrible day, okay?" he called, peeking behind any of the nearby barriers in hope that he couldn't have fled far. Though knowing him, he was probably halfway downtown. "Just my luck." Clint grumbled, glaring at the open door.

It was only when he turned to look over his shoulder that he noticed the other Maximoff had also made their escape.

"Are you kidding me right now?" Sighing heavily, he dug through his pockets to procure a ball of lint, a receipt that has probably been through the wash a few times, a packet of gum, and his phone. There was only one number he needed. "Nat? You owe me that favor, remember? Well I'd like to use it."

"I can't. I'm not in New York," came her curt reply.

Completely at a loss, he decided to plead. "Wow, not even mincing words are we? You don't even know the situation!" he said, hoping to at least keep her attention and convince her over.

"I'm 'not mincing words'? Clint, you didn't even give me a 'hello'. Anyways, what's so important that you're calling in a favor?"

"Promise not to laugh?"

"Nope, no promises. Anyways, what did you do?" Natasha replied.

"I love how you assume that it's something I did," Clint grumbled.

"Well, then who did it?"

"I did, but that's beside the point. Anyways, I lost the Maximoff twins. I need your help to find them," Clint sighed, feeling almost defeated.

An amused huff sounded out from the other line. "They're adults, Clint. You don't need to police them anymore."

"That's the problem! They're not adults! They're like, four right now," he half shouted, exasperated. Time was wasting, and the longer this lasted, the longer the change they had to get far away.

There was a moment of quiet. "You're not making sense."

"Yeah? Well neither does this whole situation," Clint sighed. "You in?"

"Can't. I told you, I'm out."

Glancing over to his trick arrows, neatly hidden in the corner of the room, he grimaced before ending the call. "Fine. Looks like we're doing this the hard way."  
\---  
Armed with a few specialty arrows, and some baby leashes, the mad hunt began. Wanda was looking to be an easy catch, and had only managed to make her way down the hall.

"Hey Wanda, come here. We're going to go find your brother, okay?" he said, trying the sweetest voice he could manage as he slowly approached her.

"No! I don't wanna!" she wailed, palms extended and red tinted at the fingers.

"Come on, we will watch a fun movie afterwards, we just need to find Pietro," he said, inching towards her. Young as she was, she was still dangerous, especially with hands extended as they were.

"No! No! Don't wanna see him!" she shrieked, a forceful blast of scarlet energy repulsing Clint to the opposing wall and knocking the air from his lungs.

A loud, graceless noise of frustration followed, and he scrambled to his feet, charging after her, and scooping her up, struggling against her forceful palms as he managed to put a harness on her.

"Seriously, never seen you two so unhappy at the thought of seeing each other," he complained, attempting to keep her in his arms.

Several minutes later, Clint had managed to locate Pietro, who was contenting himself by running around the living room.

"Hey, Pietro! Come here. We're going to watch a movie. That sounds fun, right?"

"Not if you're going to be there, old man," Pietro protested, pausing for he briefest of moments to scowl at him.

With a scoff, Clint placed Wanda on the floor, "So you were always a punk. Good to know." Gritting his teeth, he aimed an arrow overhead, and let it go. As it clattered at the ceiling beams, the net compacted in the head shot out, thudding over the speeding toddler and stopping him in his tracks as he struggled under the tangled mess.

"You cheated!" Pietro shrieked, kicking his legs quickly.

"Knew these things would be good for something," Clint muttered as he approached the net, somewhat proud of that achievement. Stopping Pietro was never an easy feat, and Clint would take what he could get, even a slower toddler version.

Neither twin seemed pleased by this development, and were struggling against their bounds while shouting and throwing blame at one another.

"Stop it! You're siblings, twins! You almost never fight like this, and I've had it! Make up and let's go watch television, okay? Tony and Bruce are gonna fix this, and the last thing we need is to have you two still fighting!" Clint shrieked, hands thrown up in the air in defeat. He shouldn't have, he knew it, but deep in there, they were adults, no matter what their bodies reflected. And he could only hope it reached that part of them.

For a moment, both toddlers simply stared at him, before turning to each other, apparently deciding that he was now their common enemy.

Smirking silently, Wanda gestured to Clint, and a faint spark of recognition glimmered in Pietro's eyes.

"Oh, so now you're going to get alo- yah!" Clint began, but was cut short as Pietro took off in a sprint in the opposite direction, knocking Clint on his back while Wanda sent hex bolts towards the ground, tethering herself there.

Stuck between the immovable object that was Wanda, and the unstoppable force that was Pietro, Clint shrieked for help, his pleas falling on deaf ears. No one was on this floor during this hour. Impressively, he forced himself back to his feet, arm twisted behind him as Pietro tore off in the opposite direction while Wanda lowered herself into a seated position on the floor, just to make his life harder.

Pietro, the little bastard, immediately decided that he was going to make an arc around Clint, twisting his shoulder as he attempted to keep hold of him while Wanda seemed intent on staying stuck on the floor, or at least until a hex swept over his ankles, causing him to fall face forward so Pietro could drag him across the floor a few feet.

"You guys are the worst!" he mumbled, voice muffled by the carpet as he attempted to at least reel them in closer for more manageable range.

"Wanda, get the leashes," Pietro called, continuing his dash towards the door, smirking. Smirking! Clint was ready to explode. He hated that smug expression on the adult Pietro, but seeing it on the child version only made it about twenty times worse.

"When you two are grown up again..." Clint began, pressing up onto his elbows. "You're the worst."

Pietro only laughed, and ran towards the opposite direction, towards Wanda. The drag became far heavier this time, and Clint couldn't help but curse loudly as his face was dragged over the floor. Carpet burns. That was something that wouldn't be easy to explain.

"Okay you two, I've had it, I-" Clint snarled, lifting his head before being taken aback at the sight of two very adult Maximoff twins still stuck in the harnesses, laughing and high-fiving one another. "Wait, you're back?! How did this happen?" Clint asked breathlessly, eyes wide as he flopped onto his back, grip lax on the leashes, but still there.

"It was a temporary charm, something that would wear off when we stopped fighting," Wanda explained, huffing breathlessly and grinning at Pietro, who was practically vibrating with excitement to have his old body back.

"Looks like it wore off when we agreed to work together to torture you," Pietro chuckled before tugging at the harness over his body, "Now if you don't mind: take these damned things off."

Clint grumbled, eyes squinted as he glared at the ceiling. Well, at least they were glad to be siblings again, at his expense. "Nah, I think I'll leave you two in those for a while. You little shits deserve it."


End file.
